The Mental Game of Playing With Better Golfers

Feeling jittery about teeing off with golfers who seem to have their game dialed in way tighter than yours? Don’t sweat it! In this episode, I dive into how to shake off those nerves and shift your mindset to play your best, no matter who’s in your foursome. We'll explore three game-changing ways to recognize and reroute the thoughts and emotions that may be sabotaging your swing. Ready to turn intimidation into inspiration? Let’s tee up and transform your game!

Unleash Your Golf self-paced program is available at:  https://www.unleashyourgolf.com

Mastering Your Golf Brain - A Guide to Self-Coaching

Mastering Your Golf Brain - The Workbook

Mental Golf Journal - A Range for Your Brain

Are all available at KathyHartWood.com/book

Private coaching starts with a Free Discovery Call here: 

Email Kathy at Kathy@KathyHartWood.com

Website: KathyHartWood.com

Transcript

Do you struggle to play your best golf when you're playing with someone who is better than you, that has a lower handicap or maybe hits it further than you or intimidates you, whether it's in your day to day golf or in a match? Well, this podcast I'm going to address three different ways that you can find the thoughts and the feelings that are holding you back from playing your best golf.

And I'll show you a few different ways that you can pivot. Ready? Let's go. Welcome to Above Par. I'm your host, Kathy Hartwood. I show you how to take more of your talent to the golf course without practicing harder, taking more lessons, or buying new equipment. I show you how to end the frustration of underperforming so you can start playing to your potential. This is where you are going to learn how to think above par so you can play below par.

Let's get to it. Hello, my girlfriend. How are you? I hope you're doing amazing. Having a beautiful week, a beautiful day. Whenever you're listening to this. Okay, so I'm just going to jump right into the topic today, which is about playing with better golfers, which I think comes up for most golfers at some point. Unless, of course, you're the best golfer. Right. You probably don't think about it unless you had to go play with a tour player who might be better than you.

But there can be a lot of anxiety and nervousness and lots of other emotions that comes up with the thought of playing with a better golfer. So I want to address some things that help you define it so that you can get your head around it. Maybe different ways that you can pivot and show up a little bit better in those rounds that you're going to play with better golfers, golfers that maybe have a lower handicap than you, that hit it further than you, that have different skill levels than you.

And this is the important thing. You want to define what a better golfer is to you. And then of course, there's how much better than you. When I asked this question inside the Think Above Par Club, it was interesting to hear the disparity and the difference between the handicap numbers before one defined that as a better golfer two shots, two shots lower in a handicap. Okay, not a problem.

Five, eight. Like, what's that number? Right. This is super interesting because it's so subjective. There's nothing factual about it. We think it's a fact. Numbers are neutral, remember? But it's the way that our brain just frames it. In other words, a 36 handicap golfer can be very intimidated and nervous about playing with someone who's a 24 handicap. But a 10 handicap for sure is not going to be intimidated, most likely about playing with a 24 handicap.

Right? So it's all relative. So I think it's important for you to define what a better golfer is for you. And then when you think of playing with a better golfer, I want you to listen to the story in your head that you create about this golfer. And then I want you to recognize how you feel. Because from that standpoint, then you're going to be able to pivot into something that is going to serve you more than where you are right now.

Right? Because we can think sometimes that this is just a fact. They are better. I would like you to define it more specifically. They have a different handicap than you. They're four shots, five shots or six shots lower in a handicap than you. And then you have a story and it might not be even be handicapped. It could be that they're a golf pro, the teaching pro, the club pro, a tour player.

It could be a well known person, it could be somebody who is really good in another sport. And you think they're better than you. Right. And then what's the story about that? Like maybe they're more athletic, they hit it further than you. They're mentally strong, they're steady and they're consistent. They don't make mistakes. Right? So find the thoughts that you have about this person who's better than you.

Find the feelings that are associated with this. These feelings are either going to serve you or not serve you. Meaning they're going to get in the way of you performing your best because you're going to be nervous or anxious or feel self conscious or embarrassed or be intimidated. And your experience on the golf course is going to suffer, right? Your performance is going to suffer, your experience is going to suffer.

It's going to be stuff that is preoccupying your brain while you're out there playing golf. And those thoughts are going to fall into one of three major categories and I want you to listen for them. And these thoughts are going to be what you think of them. So you're going to have thoughts about them. And those were a lot of the ones that I just mentioned. They're steady, they don't make mistakes, they hit it a long way, they're mentally strong, they're unshakable, they're very confident.

These are your thoughts about the golfer, the person. And typically when you think of that person, when you Describe them. A lot of those thoughts feel very intimidating, right? Then you have some fear, right? So if you're feeling intimidated or intimidation, it's because of the description you have of them, your thoughts about them, the story that you create. And it's important to know that intimidation is just a choice that you have.

You choose to be intimidated. You choose to make that story about them mean something that seems scary. Then your thoughts could possibly be about what you think of you. And it's usually something about enoughness. It's a comparison. I don't hit it far enough, I don't make enough pars, I don't make enough birdies, I don't shoot low enough, I make more mistakes, I hit uglier shots. My swing isn't as nice.

I don't putt as well. Where you make the story about you and how you compare to the other person, this golfer, and a lot of that emotion that's going to show up to you is shame or not enoughness, self conscious, you might have some embarrassment. Embarrassment is a choice. You deciding to be embarrassed is you saying, I'm embarrassed, that's it. Or I'm not embarrassed. It's actually very simple.

And I'm not saying that whiffing the ball like a dramatic miss, let's say, is not potentially embarrassing. But it's all you decide. Like, sometimes I whiff the ball and you make it nothing. Or like going, oh, my gosh, that was the most embarrassing thing I've ever done. Right? Because when we play golf, we're going to hit embarrassing shots forever and always, quote, unquote, embarrassing shots, shots that are out of character, that are kind of funky, right?

That we have an opportunity to call embarrassing or feel embarrassed. Okay? So, but the more that you take this other person, this better golfer, and you compare yourself to them, you are going to feel shame. And then the other thing that you're going to think about about them potentially is what you think they think of you. And that's usually judgment. So now you're going to feel judged. And it's important to note that what you think they are thinking of you is what you are thinking about yourself.

So there's growth there for you to learn and discover. It's not true what they're thinking about you. You have no idea. It's just what you think they're thinking of you is what you are thinking of you. If you followed that. All right, so it's kind of good to know. So your emotions, you're going to feel some fear, you might Feel some judgment or embarrassment. It's going to help you define what thoughts you have, whether it's about them, about you, or what you think they're thinking of you.

And you could have all of them. But we've got to discover what those thoughts are so that we can pivot them to something different. So growing up in Buffalo, my dad, I was one of the few girls in Buffalo who played golf, period, right? For my age, there weren't very many of us. So I played with, I played with guys all the time, boys, guys, anybody. And my dad would, being a golf pro would always pair me or make me go play with better golfers.

He's like, you gotta play with better golfers. I always liked playing with the ladies. I was better, right? Made me feel more comfortable. I wasn't worried about the judgment and the comparison. You know, I was 14 or 15. I was self conscious. I didn't want to play with the boys who are way better than I was. It was much easier to play with the ladies who were high handicaps, right?

They thought I was amazing and I was very patient and tolerant of their golf. But it wasn't helping my game at all because often we were lower ourselves to the standard of the people that we play with. But as I got into situations and foursomes with better golfers, I started out really going through a lot of intimidation and judgment, right? And shame not being enough. I would project myself into their heads and wondered what they were thinking about me, especially as being a girl, playing with the guys and my distance.

But one of the benefits of playing with better golfers is that I got to witness what was possible. Like, oh my gosh, I didn't even know one could hit that shot. I don't own that shot. You get to witness the way people handle course management, how they manage their emotions on the golf course, how when they get upset, how and if they pivot or don't pivot mentally. You get to look at someone who's the same size as you and strength as you and maybe see that they're hitting it much further than you.

And you get to see what's possible, right? As I shared in the Think Above Par Club the story about the four minute mile, which was Roger Bannister, which I had to Google just for the record because I couldn't remember, and he broke the four minute mile in the 50s. And then after that, a decade later, over 100 people, hundreds of people had also broken the four minute mile because they witnessed what was possible.

It was a ripple Effect. So by playing with better players, you either take it as an opportunity to feel really uncomfortable, have fear, have shame, compare yourself to them, feel like you're not enough, which will show up to be a self fulfilling prophecy, by the way, because you're going to put so much pressure on your game. You're not going to be playing from calm, certain and confident or confident.

Or you can take it as an opportunity to pivot and say, this is going to be a lot of great growth for me because I'm going to get to look and witness other players and see what they do. What can I learn? How can I see myself in their game? The other thing that you're going to witness, which always happens, is that you play with players that you put up on this pedestal as someone who doesn't make a mistake is unshakable, super confident.

And you witness that they're human, right? They have some of those embarrassing misses, quote, unquote embarrassing, dramatic misses. And you're like, oh my gosh, they're human. And they still scored well. So they made mistakes and they still scored well. They made that mistake and they didn't let it affect them for four holes. That's where I can really shift and change. They made a big number, but they didn't let it unravel their whole round.

Or you might witness a player who's better and they aren't as strong mentally as you thought they were. They aren't as confident. There's plenty of good golfers who are super negative. They could be way better if they weren't so negative. Or their experience would just be so much better. Right? If they weren't so negative. So that's an opportunity for you to see what it's like for them to realize that you don't need to put them on a pedestal, that they are human, that they do make the same mistakes that you make.

They just handle it differently, which then turns into an opportunity for you to grow. All right, my friends, so I want you to think about the ways that you think players are better than you and how you show up, how you feel about them. And it could be all of these categories about your thoughts, about putting them up on this pedestal of an amazing golfer. It could be about how you compare them to you and make yourself feel less than.

Or it could be about the judgment that you have about yourself that you're hearing in their voice that they're not even saying. And I challenge you to go out and put yourself into scenarios where you play with better golfers. Get uncomfortable and then witness and see what you can learn from them. Witness your own brain and the story it brings up because there's so much growth there for you.

And the more that you put yourself in situations where you're playing with better golfers, the more your game's going to get up leveled, right? If you're playing with golfers who are higher handicaps than you and they really don't care very much and they're not trying and they're talking while they're swinging, they're not taking their time and they're not going through their pre shot routine, you end up getting sloppy, too.

You, you end up starting to do those same things, even if it is more comfortable for you to be in that scenario because you don't feel that pressure or that comparison or that judgment or that intimidation. Ask yourself, is it serving your golf game right? Because we want to hang out with people who bring us up in all areas of our life, and that includes golf. All right, my friends, go out and play with some better golfers and witness your brain.

All right? And if I can help you, make sure you reach out to me at Kathy at kathyheartwood or head to the website kathyheartwood. Com. I'd love to connect with you. All right, have a beautiful week and I'll talk to you next Wednesday. Bye.