Think Above Par | Mental Golf & Mindset

Pushing Boundaries: The Mental Courage to Compete in Golf

• Kathy Hart Wood • Episode 243

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Ever felt too scared to sign up for a qualifier or show up for a tournament because you’re afraid of what might happen—or what people might think? This one’s for you. I’m talking about the courage it takes to put yourself out there, the mental drama that comes with it, and why sitting on the sidelines doesn’t keep you safe—it just keeps you stuck. You’ll hear a powerful client story (shoutout to Becky!) and get real talk about fear, belonging, and finding your win, no matter what the scorecard says. Get in the arena, girlfriend. That’s where the growth is. 🧠⛳️💪

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Above Par. I'm your host, kathy Hartwood. I show you how to take more of your talent to the golf course without practicing harder, taking more lessons or buying new equipment. I show you how to end the frustration of underperforming so you can start playing to your potential. This is where you are going to learn how to think above par so you can play below par. Let's get to it. Hello, my girlfriend, welcome back to Think Above Par.

Speaker 1:

I want to give a shout out to the women who are my clients or have accessed either my book or my podcast and qualified or tried to qualify for the USGA Women's Senior event that was in the middle of September and the US Women's Senior Open. I had clients in that event as well and I just want to give a shout out to them for putting in the work, putting themselves out there, for qualifying, for managing their minds Whether they performed well in the tournament or not is not what it's always all about. Getting there sometimes is half the battle putting yourself out there, having that experience stretching into new experiences. So congratulations to Kelly and Tina and Meryl and Beth and Tina she was in both of those and for all my clients who tried and didn't quite make it. There are so many people who do not put themselves in that position, who don't try, who don't even risk being disappointed or humiliated or embarrassed or let down, and you did that. This is to all of you who put yourself into positions of trying to qualify for events and it didn't come out the way that you wanted. You know this is the thing. I've done lots of qualifiers over the years and it's challenging because sometimes you just have one day to get it done and inevitably there seems like there's that one person who plays out of their ass, so to speak. Right, you're like how did they shoot that number and they qualified, so you always got to save a spot for that person. A lot of times not always, I shouldn't say, but a lot of times there is a lot of mental management, because they come around once a year and you get one shot, and that pressure that you put on yourself to make sure that everything shows up that day so that you make the cut and get to play the tournament is very challenging. So kudos to all you who put yourself out there period, whether it's in the events that I just said, whether it's a USGA event or trying to qualify for something, locally around you or even at your club.

Speaker 1:

Keep putting yourself out there, because there's plenty of people on the sidelines who won't do it. And if you're that person on the sidelines next event, next season ask yourself why? Why are you not trying? Why are you not going and putting yourself out there? What emotion are you afraid to experience if you go out there and it doesn't turn out? There's a lot to be learned about yourself and how you hold yourself back or you play small. Maybe that fear of failing, fear of embarrassment, fear of disappointment. When we don't put ourselves out there, really what we end up doing is we fail ahead of time. We decide we're going to fail by not even trying. I would much rather you try. Get the experience, challenge yourself, see how you shake your own hamster cage in those moments, see what shows up for you, learn from that. That's where your next level of growth comes in.

Speaker 1:

So if you're sitting on the fence wondering if you should put yourself out there and your season is over or any of those qualifiers are over, depending on what part of the country or world you live in let's talk about putting on the calendar for next year. And if you're worried about what other people will think and how they'll judge you, whether it's in a local tournament or whether it's in you putting yourself out there in a qualifier. I love the words that Brene Brown says about this. It really resonated with me when I heard it for the first time and I want to read it to you here. She said if you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I am not interested in or open to your feedback. There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their own lives but will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgment at those of us trying to dare greatly. Their only contributions are criticism, cynicism and fear mongering. If you're criticizing from a place where you're not also putting yourself on the line, I'm not interested in your feedback. End quote. I want you to think about the people that you're worried about judging you, about putting yourself out there and playing in tournaments, about what you think they're going to think about your score, because the people who are putting themselves out there, who are going out there and trying to qualify, who are going out there and shooting big numbers and putting themselves into situations where they rattle their own hamster cage. They're not judging you. Someone who's went out there and played in competition and knows what it's like to play crappy is not going to judge another person who's also putting themselves out there.

Speaker 1:

There's a lot of empathy for that and understanding and compassion. Golf's hard. It's a challenging game. It challenges all parts of us, our skill, our mind. It brings out some of our deepest fears. Personally, it shows a lot of the way we handle life and then we put it on the line and we can feel really vulnerable at those moments. But the people who have also done that understand and appreciate it. So if you're worried about people in those cheap seats and what they're going to say, just remember Brene Brown, I'm not interested in your feedback. Get your ass in the arena and then let's talk.

Speaker 1:

All right, my friend, that had nothing to do with what I was going to talk about today. I just went off on a tangent right there. Sorry about that. This is what I wanted to talk about today. I should probably just stay on this topic because I spent so much time talking about it already and you guys are gonna be like.

Speaker 1:

She went over 10 minutes, 12 minutes. They're relatively short and I'm going to bring up an example of one of my clients, becky, who was putting herself out to play in a tournament and a state amateur event and felt all of those nerves and that anxiety and that judgment and that worry about what other people were thinking, even feeling to the extent that she didn't belong in that group. And that's one of the things that's going to pop up for you at those moments when you're not accustomed to going out and playing in some of these qualifiers, because your brain is going to question whether you belong there. Are you good enough? Is everybody better than you? Are you out of your league? Are they used to doing this? They have so much more experience than you. Right, we feel inferior and not enough.

Speaker 1:

And Becky stretched herself to go play in a tournament and she felt like she didn't belong. She sent me an email and then I sent her a text reply back before she went out to play and I said to her you totally belong with those players. You got this Super proud of you for stretching yourself. She got back to me about 10 hours later and said that saying the words that I belong really resonated with her and she must have said it a hundred times that whole day while she played golf and she went out and shot 69. 69. Amazing. She qualified for match play and she made it to the finals and lost on the last hole. It ended up being an amazing experience, boosting her confidence, but also proving to herself what's possible, and witnessing how you do feel like you might be out of your league or that you don't belong, and the power of shifting some of your phrases and your sentences and the repetition of saying it over and over again can greatly impact your results for the better or the worse, depending on what you're saying to yourself.

Speaker 1:

So stretch yourself, put yourself out there, see what pops up in your hamster cage, all those thoughts that your brain wants to tell you, all the reasons why you shouldn't be trying to qualify or play in the tournament or join the group or join the league, wherever you are in your golf. Listen to those thoughts and those words. She shared them with me. I hear them right? I gave her something to think. Instead, you get to do this for yourself, but that's where your growth is, that's where you get to step into the next version of yourself and no matter what the result is you get to find your win and sometimes your win is signing up saying I'm in and not backing out. Sometimes your win is having your own back after you had a big number in a qualifier where your brain's like we're done, let's quit. Might as well go in it's over. And you hung in there so that you didn't create the habit of quitting. And, my friends, if you're going to do that, I encourage you to put yourself out there and play in the tournaments and do the things, and I will be your biggest supporter along the way.

Speaker 1:

This was totally not what I thought I was going to talk about. So I'm going to end this and I'm going to record another podcast, because you're all going to be like why did she go over 10 minutes? This would be a 25 minute podcast if I actually talked about what I was going to talk about. So I'm going to end this one here and, if I can help you or support you in any way, make sure you reach out to me or head to yourmentalcaddycom. We're getting it done. All right, friends, have a beautiful week and I'll talk to you next Wednesday. Bye.